And my mom totally ignored me. I mean, I don't think it was on purpose because I didn't do anything to irritate her or that she's mad, but I didn't like it. Mostly because she was always talking with a certain person and that certain person also sleeps with her in the same room and whenever my moms with me, she's always on her phone texting that person or calling that person for no reason. She's always ignoring me and always with that person... And sometimes she goes to that persons friends house and leave us and doesn't even care about us about what's for dinner and stuff. She just leaves. And she doesn't come back till like what? 10 pm? She also brings back guests and that irritates me A LOT. I mean, I really DESPISE guests. Unless their harmless and doesn't take away my mom. Why do I despise guests? Well lets just say that I had a lot of bad experiences with me or with my mom taken away. Sure your thinking that I have a mother complex (which I don't) but that's not the case. Think about it this way: everybody may not be stuck to their parents but some things you just have to tell your parents. For me, I can't even talk to her so how am I suppose to tell her? Of course I've had a hard life up till now and I'm still pretty young. Those hardships, I rather not think about it. I put it in this "bag" of mine. After the restaurant, my mom said she need to go to that persons friends house. And then when I got home, my iPad broke/cracked really severe. The four corners are shatters and 2 spiderwebs in the middle. My iPad was my savior. My escape route. It's been with me though a lot of things. You don't know how much I suffered. I might not look like I went through a lot, but looks are very deceiving. Well actually, it's started to show recently. Like I've been getting (don't laugh at me) white hairs. My friend (another one) said that it was because of stress. I know I have a lot of stress, but there's no way I can let it out. I just can't. I don't know how to. Anyways, I guess that's when my so called "bag" broke. Let me tell you, I'm not a cryer. And I rarely cry. But tears were streaming down my cheeks. I just couldn't stop them. They were coming one after another. I tried to fix the bag but it's hard when it's all pouring out of it. I stopped for a while and then there was a knock on my door. It was my aunts daughter who is 20 and she goes to college and just came here like maybe 1 or 2 months already. At first she talked to me a little, and now she doesn't really talk to me. I don't blame her. I'm a shy person and my usual "face" is said to be a 'don't talk to me, I don't like you' aura/expression. But once you talk with me, I guess my expression changes. Ah, but don't take this a wrong way! She's actually a really nice person!!! I'm just too shy to do anything about it. I mean I even really want to be her friend! Well anyways, she was carrying 2 boxes of mango nector juice and asked if she could come in. I didn't really like the idea because I feel like my room was a mess, and I feel like my eyes were puffy and red after crying. Well anyways I let her in and she gave me a juice
( I wished I said thank you but.. Well I'm explaining it right now) and tried to comfort me about my iPad. She's really nice and all but I just finished crying.. I really didn't feel like talking. I just nodded. As much as i want to really thank her, I just couldn't mutter a single word. I still felt like crying, and I can't let her see that so I held it in. She left and my mom later came home. I told her my eyes were hurting. She asked me why but it was mostly like she wasn't paying attention to me like half heartily asking me. I guess I don't really blame my mom on that because I'm a accident prone, but I mean she could still be a little bit concerned about me!!!! So I kept on saying that and we sat down. I was across from her and she asked me again, why. She was also reading a newspaper. And by then, I guess my bag had a leak. A tear streamed down my cheek. Did my mom notice? Nahh. A second tear fell, and I didn't want to speak so I went and sat next to her. She looked up, but she still didn't notice. After a while I wiped my tear with her hand and then that's when she realized I was crying. She asked me what was wrong, and another 2 tears came down. A little after that, that person passed by, (probably bored and wants to try to steal my mom away) but my mom probably said something but I don't know because that's the last person I want to show that I'm crying. Maybe on the same level with my dad. And then my mom really shouldn't have said what she said next. She said "okay, ten more minutes then I'm going to my room." It was around 9 and that impact hit me hard. It felt like she wasn't my mom. She knew I wasn't a cryer and I wouldn't cry for no reason!! But at that moment, I felt like I was work or something. A small fry to deal with. Something that's wasting her time because that "thing" is not important. I was really hurt. I was sobbing. Tears fell like small rivers that never stops. I sobbed silently. I didn't like to make a lot of noise and tell everyone I was crying. So I was silent as I could, sobbing. I guess that's when my mom started to think that this was something quite serious. My chest was hurting, my head was overtaken by forbidden/deadly memories, and my face was full of tears. She kept asking what was wrong but I just couldn't stop sobbing. She brang me some napkins to wipe my face, and by that time, I calmed down I guess. But every time that person went across from us, my mom just have to say stuff to that person, which made me start sobbing again because that was the time to comfort me, a serious thing, and she still goes and talks to that person. WHY? Why am I being treated this way?? What did I ever do? My head was filled with thoughts like those and memories of pain made me cry more. She stayed with me and we talked for a while. There were the forbidden forbidden ultra dangerous memories (f2udm)that I dared not to tell my mom. We talked for about 2-3 hours and then we went to sleep. I was feeling Better by then, but I still felt a little bit because of the f2udm. We'll that was Thursday. I'm sorry I dont really feel good writing this, as it makes me recall all those memories. I had to even stop in the middle of a word just so I could calm down. I even shed a few tears. Well great! I put this post into a really sad atmosphere!!! Here: RAINBOWS!, CANDY, SMILEYS, UNICORN!!! Yayyyyy~
Ok I'll post the other days some other days and on Thursday I downloaded an app called line camera, and it decorates my pics!! I did one on the water I was drinking in the restaurant:
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